You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
