So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
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I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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