Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
