I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
