I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
