just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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