I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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