i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
