went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
