She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
