i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
