omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
