if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
