i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
