why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
