I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
