do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
