I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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