God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize