what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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