Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
