I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
