Sorry, I don't speak sober.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
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