Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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