Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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