i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
