she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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