I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
