hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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