i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
