he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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