we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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