I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
