i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
