a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
