Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
