what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't deserve a penis
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
