This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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