This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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