They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
