All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
