I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
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Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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