she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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