I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
