New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize