just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
