I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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