I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
