dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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