that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
