Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
