She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
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Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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