i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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