Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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