Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
