i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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