I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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