my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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