How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
