Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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