I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
