Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
