So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.