but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We don't watch enough power rangers
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day