My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.