I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
