got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.