Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?