Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
