He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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