talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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