Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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