Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
there is puke in my bra ... again
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