does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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